too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
