The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
