Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
