i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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