the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
