she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
