I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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