I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
this will be a night to untag.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
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You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
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Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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