so that wasnt chicken after all
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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