she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
