And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up