I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
This is my gift to your gina
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!