I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom