Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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