LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO