i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
