My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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