Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
