hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
