So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
