Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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