By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
