is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
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