The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
