And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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