I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
