maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
