i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
