You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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