Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
