I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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