you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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