You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
