we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
