i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
