Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize