So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
