In the future we'll all be gay
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
