what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
