she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize