Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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