think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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