You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
