Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
