I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
