Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
