Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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