I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
