I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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