just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
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He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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