Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
