Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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