just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
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