Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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