Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
