If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
