If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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