His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
