franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
