so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
