how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
