he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
