I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I wear drunk well.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
