If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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