Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
