do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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