let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
