relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
