a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
