It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
