miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
