ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Is it because I queefed?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
