awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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