Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Found your dick twin last night
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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