Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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