It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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