I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
