You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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