i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
