Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
